The Pastor in my friend Nneka’s church is always talking about tithes. He uses the Old Testament to tell people why they should give a percentage of their salary to the church. Many pastors in this country do that. They always tell us to go and read Deuteronomy. But what…

Style 3
Zemaye’s Take: Vaginal Douche. I went to the supermarket yesterday to buy sanitary pads. And I noticed something. If you go into any major supermarket in Nigeria, you will see a shelf full of ‘feminine products.’ One of those ‘feminine products’ is the vaginal douche (the most popular brand has…
Problem and Solution 8
Professor Ali Mazrui was a Kenyan scholar. Ceiling has read some of his writing, I haven’t. Ceiling isn’t too hot on him, especially because he said the man and Big Uncle Wole Soyinka used to seriously disagree. And Ceiling does not joke at all with Big Uncle Wole Soyinka. Anyway,…
Aruidimma 4
Zemaye’s Take: For those of you who told me that salicylic acid doesn’t do anything for your breakouts, here are two new things to try: sulphur and charcoal. Charcoal absorbs excess oil. Masks and scrubs that contain charcoal are good for oily skin that easily gets pimples. If you can’t…
Ifem & Ceiling 8
Alphonsus made vegetable soup. Ceiling and I were hanging out at the dining table after eating. “What a stupid idea to announce a ceasefire with Boko Haram, who came up with that? Is it that these people don’t think?” I asked. “They are eager to announce good news. Elections are…
Ifem & Ceiling 7
I hope the Doctor Without Borders Ebola patient in New York makes it. American politicians are like Nigerian politicians – they will use anything to score political points. So, some New York politicians who have upcoming elections are trying to scare people with Ebola, and then position themselves as Ebola…
Problem and Solution 7
Nigeria has been declared Ebola-free. On October 20, 2014, The Washington Post wrote this: “According to WHO, the success of Nigeria — Africa’s most populous nation — was attributable to ample funding, quick action and assistance from the WHO, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and the non-profit Doctors Without…
Problem and Solution 6
Nigeria did well with Ebola. Me I am proud o. Oga Jona deserves credit. If we were like Liberia now, everyone would blame him for not dealing with Ebola. Oga BRF deserves credit. Not only because Lagos state really started working fast but also because he understands that symbolism matters…
Ifem & Ceiling 6
Remember that story Nneoma told us about her flight back to Lagos? Here is how it ends. A man and a woman are in a relationship. The woman is unhappy. She decides to end the relationship. She tells the man she is done with him and then gets ready and…
Style 2
Zemaye’s Take: Bandwagon imitative fashion babble talk. Examples: PAIR as a clunky verb – Play with texture by PAIRING a velvet skirt with a silk top. STUN as a verb but oddly without an object – Ada STUNNED in a red dress Clothes (often poorly-tailored) referred to as PIECES to…